SEX and SIN? "Look ... I am MAN. Hear me SNARL!"

Pssst! Do you know that .....

ON A CLEAR DAY YOU CAN SEE FOREVER?

Simply smashing, this hit song from BARBRA STREISAND about the simplicity of life.

She might well be right.

Clarity is defining, but what happens when one's life takes a treacherous turn and mirrors a thousand dampeners instead?

On grey days, against grey skies, when you're really feeling like a ton of shit,

And the stress is piling up in your head,

Hot raucous jokes would surely dispel the gloom and hit you guys like aphrodisiac,

Great?

Well, if it's all about SEX and SIN, then it's much ado about everything!

All MEN enjoy bawdy jokes,

They love sexy time,

They love to fornicate .....

Secretly they love to surf porn and sleaze.

Anything that can heighten esctatic pleasures or stimulate loins,

They like to brag about their physical endowments,

Brutes? NO ...

Men ....YES!

You'd hear, "I AM MAN. Here ... see me SNARL!"

Right on, let's get straight to the topic with these guilt-laden goodness.

Here're some of the tempting dessert treats with all the heavenly drools.

Yumm ......

1. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ORAL SEX AND ANAL SEX?

A. Oral sex makes your day, and anal sex makes your hole weak.

2. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BITCH AND A WHORE?

A. A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

3. WHAT MAKES MEN CHASE WOMEN THEY HAVE NO INTENTION OF MARRYING?

A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

4. WHAT DO YOU CALL A SMART BLONDE?

A. A golden retriever.

5. HOW CAN YOU TELL WHICH IS THE HEAD NURSE?

A. The one with the dirty knees.

6. WHICH SEXUAL POSITIONS PRODUCES THE UGLIEST CHILDREN?

A. Ask your mother.

7. HOW DO YOU EMBARRASS AN ARCHAEOLOGIST?

A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

8. WHAT DID THE CANNIBAL DO AFTER HE DUMPED HIS GIRL FRIEND?

A. Wiped his ass.

9. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LAY ON THEIR BACKS?

A. Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor-lock.

10. THE THREE WORDS MOST HATED BY MEN DURING SEX?

A. "Are you in?" or "Is it in?"

11. THREE WORDS WOMEN HATE TO HEAR WHEN HAVING SEX?

A. "Honey, I'm home!"

12. WHY DO MEN TAKE SHOWERS INSTEAD OF BATHS?

A. Pissing in the bath is disgusting.

WOMEN have their scores too.

They love SEX as much as MEN.

Yet, unlike MEN, this is something they are not supposed to admit in public society.

Guys are guys.

They are the dominant gender proud of their sexual conquests.

SEX and SIN?

"Look ..... I am MAN. Hear me SNARL!"

I am sure, somewhere out there, a WOMAN is snorting with her disapproval.

WAR OF THE GENDERS?

Now be mesmerized by Philippine most famous female vocalist REGINE VELASQUEZ as she belts out her version of the classic hit song "I'VE NEVER BEEN TO ME" extolling the anguish of a modern day woman. That was then, but time changed everything since. The world don't just stand still.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9ku2oljKjg]

" WHAT'S UP, PUSSY CAT? " SEX? I am WOMAN. Hear me PURR ...."

ARE YOU A MALE CHAVENIST?

Do you subscribe to the belief that WOMEN ARE SUBSERVIENT TO MEN?

TIMES have evolved

THINGS have changed.

A woman's self-worth is as important as a man's,

Her bark can be worse than her bite -

Check this out.

These days WOMEN are jolly good if not better ..

Bless their demand for equal rights ...

HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED.

" I AM WOMAN ...HEAR ME ROAR! "

Ahhh .....

Here's this SEXIST JOKE ..

And this one is from the WOMAN :

MARCUS woke up one morning with this huge uncontrollable erection.

He was hard and horny, and his wife was not by his side in bed.

She was already up and in the kitchen preparing breakfast.

MARCUS was "itching" all over with extreme desire.

So he despatched his son to his wife with this note:

MY TENT POLE IS UP,

THE CANVAS IS SPREAD,

TO HELL WITH BREAKFAST,

NOW COME BACK TO BED!

The wife answered the note and sent it back by the son. This is what it said:

TAKE YOUR TENT POLE DOWN,

PUT THE CANVAS AWAY,

THE MONKEY IS BLEEDING TODAY, ARHH ....

SO NO CIRCUS TODAY!

MARCUS was perplexed with his hard-on, so he sent another note:

BUT THIS TENT POLE IS STILL UP,

AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREADS,

SO DROP WHAT YOU ARE DOING,

HONEY - COME AND GIVE ME SOME HEAD!

To which the wife replied:

I'M SURE THAT YOUR POLE

IS THE BEST IN THE LAND,

BUT I'M TOO BUSY RIGHT NOW -

SO DO IT BY HAND !!

So you want a sexy time?

Understand the woman better.

Ignorance isn't all bliss.

WOMEN CAN BE CHERRIES THAT CAN MAKE LEMONS TASTE SWEET.

That is, if you know where to set the parameters,

And what to do to stay under the radar .....

DO YOU, HONESTLY?

FANN WONG - an effervescent sparkling CHAMELEON. Always.

Naturally, like everybody else, I have heard and read "tons of gossip" about FANN WONG, the popular SINGAPOORE Media Corp belle over the years, but that's normal for any artiste to be talked about. BAD NEWS IS STILL NEWS and it's better to be a subject of controversy than not at all. Gossip garners publicity, and as long as it's not malicious, it doesn't hurt.

So it's about time I write my piece on FANN WONG as a "fitting tribute", and happily so too.

No, I do not claim to know FANN's private persona, but I had collaborated professionally with her when she was a top-notched model with the now defunct IMP MODEL AGENCY in Singapore sited at Specialist Center, Orchard Road once upon a time.

FANN WONG had a glorious modeling career in the early 90s when she was managed by IDA ONG, the affable, serious and no-nonsense owner of IMP.

We had worked on a gamut of print ads with ace fashion photographer WEE KHIM, and a slew of television commercials in 1990/1 when I was helming key fashion and high profile superstore accounts with an international Ad Agency in Singapore, and FANN was already showing great promise then as an aspiring actress.

One day, out of curiosity, I presented her with a script for a reading at the IMP's office with veteran actress CHIA PING KAI and lo and behold - FANN read the impromptu script with relish and excitement, infusing feelings in her lines. Having known her as a model, I was therefore taken aback. Models usually cannot act or read parts without the acquired training, but there was FANN, like a fish "out of water", gasping for every breath to prove her worth.

FANN was a media darling - always stoic, hardworking and on-time for her shoots with us. All the production crew loved her. She had a face that could launch a thousand ships and a spontaneous smile to "die for".

Why did I use past tense here? Because I have not been in touch with FANN WONG more than ten years as I spend most of my time in Asia, and time has really flown.

I understand from industry insiders that she was discovered by one talent scout with Singapore Media Corp in 1994 and she debuted in a well received television drama series called DREAM COMES TRUE. From then on, she morphed from the twenty something leading actress to Singapore's favourite AH JIE (supreme big sister or superstar so to speak).

In the years to follow, FANN WONG always electrifies as the glowingly beautiful damsel, and she was a hot contender to only one La Femme contender ZOE TAY who gives her a run for her money.

The only difference is that ZOE TAY has been married for some years and has two children whilst FANN is still the ultimate single girl but not-at-all available. She has screen hunk CHRISTOPHER LEE as her beau and they are tying the knots some time next year, according to grapevine news.

Are FANN and ZOE great pals? Two's company but in tinseltown it's hard to maintain heart-to-heart camaraderie with your closest rival, despite the brave front you may want to put up. Either you die or I perish, la.

Each would have her own clique of bosom buddies. Bravo.

FANN has been criticized by some die-hards to be a "phoney" or "superficial", but this one I am not sure.

But ZOE TAY is heavily lauded to be a super nice AH JIE who takes care of her friends. Many long years ago, when ZOE still owned a pet farm in PASIR RIS SINGAPORE, I dropped in to check out a chihuahua. She was there and she personally came up to me and extended a warm welcome. She needn't have to, but she took the trouble.

This is the wonderful side of ZOE, the maestro with the fashionista touch.

In the feature film arena, FANN WONG has a better standing. Producers and fans can't get enough of her. She has starred in Hollywood blockbusters with JACKIE CHAN and OWEN WILSON in SHANGHAI KNIGHTS and DANCE OF THE DRAGON with JASON SCOTT LEE.

Closer to home, she has recently scored in Singapore's most beloved slapstick director JACK NEO's JUST FOLLOW LAW and AH LONG PTE LTD. In one, she played a corporate hussy and the other, a gangster moll. Both local movies earned scathing media reviews for bad scripting, but boomed gleefully at the box office. Cheers.

FANN WONG has always been written in a heightened way and living in a heightened world, so there must be an appealing quality about her.

There's of course, the usual bad-blood rumour every now and then, but she will be a true grit survivor on this.

Life for her is a song. No less.

ACTRESSES I LOVE TO WORK WITH. Hitting 40, but still so BEAUTIFUL, GORGEOUS and TALENTED.

These are divas and fashionistas, hitting 40 and still look stunningly beautiful.

They are Thailand's SINJAI PLENGPANICH and Singapore's ZOE TAY, two of Asia's most talented actresses.

Some die-hards may differ in opinions, but being in the same industry, I'll vouch for them any time, man.

Bow out, armchair critics, it's easier to gripe than compliment.

Did your wife, girl friend or sister look this good when they were 40?

If so, I salute them.

But please have a sense of proportion.

Be fair.

As actresses, they may be deemed as "public properties", but hey... give praise when it's due.

In life, for all and sundry, a sincere compliment is always a morale booster.

A pat on our backs feels just great...

A stab....ouch!!

We all need love and encouragement. There's no need to build "walls" to protect ourselves.

Or should we?

SINJAI PLENGPANICH (THAILAND)

She is 43, with beauty, brain and a body to match.

She is a much revered artiste of the big screen, stage and soap operas.

She is also happily married to CHATCHAI PLENGPANICH, a famous Thai actor and has 3 children who adore her.

Because in Thailand, artistes are treated with adoration and professional respect, she has a blessed career that she immensely enjoyed.

Her latest film was LOVE OF SIAM, where she played the challenging role of a distraught mother-in-distress battling emotional "demons" brought about by a defiant gay son and an alcoholic husband.

For this difficult role, she finally bagged home the BEST ACTRESS accolade simultaneouly from 2 Thai film festivals as a glorious tribute to her accomplished acting career.

ZOE TAY (SINGAPORE)

This woman is friendly, professional and unpretentious. Having worked with her once, I should know.

She is Singapore's best known and most beautiful actress, joyously married to a RSAF pilot and blessed with 2 children.

She's really cool at 40, and she's still every inch the gorgeous belle.

Just check out the fashion spreads of her in bikini. Then ask any hot blooded male.

Yet fans in Singapore, unlike Thailand, are sometimes known to be selfish and "retarded" when it comes to according their homegrown artistes the professional respect they deserve. They are quick to criticize.

They should take a cue from Thailand.

Many derided ZOE with snide remarks when, as the spokeswoman for the IMEDEEN ad campaign, she was quoted as saying "My Secret to Beautiful Skin? I swallow."

The ad copy was intended to be naughty and provocative, but had never meant to upset a portion of the conservative market in squeaky clean Singapore.

Or was it just pure spite from a fickle audience who was ready to switch camp to another rising star?

Yet this advertisement created a "storm in a tea cup" and became the butt of sexist jokes from gossip mongers.

But ZOE TAY remains the undisputable queen from Singapore's Tinseltown for the past ten over years.

She's one established long lasting brand, chic and sophistication personified.

THESE ARE STARS that I hope to collaborate with in the near future with an appropriate script.

How about one on mid life crisis and marital angst, a la SEX AND THE CITY genre?

Can you remember the 1983 hit song I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO ME sung by CHARLENE on women's rights?

Catch these lyrics:

HEY LADY,

YOU LADY,

CURSING AT YOUR LIFE,

YOU ARE A DISCONTENTED MOTHER

AND A REGIMENTED WIFE,

I'VE NO DOUBT YOU

DREAM ABOUT THE THINGS YOU'LL NEVER DO

BUT I WISH SOMEONE HAD TALKED TO ME

LIKE I WANNA TALK TO YOU.

It's a haunting and beautiful song, isn't it?

Now let's check out the script ......

THEY are BEAUTIFUL. THEY are ASIANS. LIFE's a BITCH. Well, almost.

I really dig RODGER AND HAMMERSTEIN's MOVIE MUSICALS.

Don't you?

THE SOUND OF MUSIC, FLOWER DRUM SONG, THE KING AND I and SOUTH PACIFIC are some of the magnificent films that I can watch over and over again.

These are classics, timeless gems.

THERE'S this BEACHY song in SOUTH PACIFIC extolling the wonderment of a woman.

It is called THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A DAME.

The lyrics run like this:

We've got sunlight on the sand,

We've got moonlight on the sea,

We've got mangos and bananas you can pick right off the tree,

We've got volley ball and ping pong and a lot of dandy games,

What don't we got?

WE DON'T GOT DAMES.

Chorus

There's nothing like a DAME

Nothing in the world

There's nothing you can name

that is anything like a DAME.

Can you imagine life without a woman?

MIGUEL RODRIGUEZ sums it all up when he says:

" I LIKE TO SEE YOU WALK

BECAUSE YOU LEAVE STREAKS OF FIRE WITH YOUR EVERY STEP,

YOU ARE MUCH MORE THAN AN OBJECT OF DESIRE,

YOU ARE THE FLAME THAT SLOWLY KEEPS ALIVE MY FIRE.

I LIKE TO LOOK AT YOU

OBSERVING YOUR EVERY DETAIL,

YOUR FEELINGS ARE SO PURE, SO FRAIL."

This article pays homage to our ASIAN BEAUTIES.

ASIAN WOMEN are soft, trilling and enticing, don't you think so?

GASP ...... YES!

BEAUTIFUL WOMEN. SEXY ACTRESSES. Smart Maneuvers.

The famous line-up above is pretty stark here. Top most (from left to right) are SHU QI, TANG WEI and VIVIAN HSU.

Right below, pretty-in-pink, is sultry PAI LING.

These are Asian beautiful women with immense sex appeal, whether you care to admit this or not. They grace myriads of magazine covers and are also renowned screen actresses, with million of dollars stashed in their bank accounts for the advertising product endorsements they gave.

Paparazzi will camp outside their residences to get latest bits of information about their lifestyles and then "juice" it up to enhance magazine sales.

There you are, it pays to be famous despite your loss of so-called privacy, as fame comes alongside recognition and that fat dollar bottom line !

Which other job can bestow you with such enriching perks ...... to be rich, successful and famous? Indeed, life is never fair. Some people toil for donkey years to earn what these stars can fetch in a single day.

All the above actresses got their big breaks from Asian supposedly soft porns and they are smart enough to ride on "this calculated break" as part of a strategic direction they set their minds on. They are endowed with looks, bodies and and "brains to match". They are definitely nobody's fools and sometimes in this filmsy world of show business, artistry "sacrifices" in choice of film roles and proper planning are key ingredients to a successful entertainment career.

CONNECTIONS are all that important and taking short cuts to garner media attention is better than than waiting for years for a plum role to land on one's lap !

It is a clear cut fact why some artistes fail miserably in this endeavour. Even before fame really beckons, they are adopting "attitude" tantrums. Get real, falsies ! Learn from the veterans as you are a product of the media machine, whatever the media make you out to be. The media can either make or kill you.

Just take note that every other day, a new star is born and another competitor is already in the pipeline. A square example is ZHANG ZI YI. She was the media's overexposed darling until director ANG LI groomed new starlet TANG WEI for his latest film LUST CAUTION.

For any artiste, established or aspiring, it pays not to adopt the media offensive stance.

SHOW BUSINESS can be quite a sleazy business, and sometimes things that you may have read or been told may be a little too close for comfort. But not necessarily untrue.

Because as you know, there's no business like show business. Neither is there any fire without smoke.