So you are a wise-crack?
And you think I am that bold and brazen to touch on the topic on butt-cracks?!!
I am a "crack-o", you say?
SURELY not, Sir.
LIke everyone else with sensibility, I am of the firm belief that the BUTT story may not be one savory tale to tell.
Just pardon my pun.
Please blame it on that 1980 hilarious "kick-arse" movie called THE GODS MUST BE CRAZY, warning us that this world is gonna be one big messy place to live in.
Isn't it true that the global populace is perpetually getting pretty stressed up, given the daily toil and grime?
Can't you see that the newspapers are screaming murder with sensationalism on all kinds of mayhem and frenzy?
For sure, people are resorting to all forms of crazy outlets to achieve stress therapy or sexual relief.
And for these who are "drowning", they are also clueless.
Just send in the clowns, as the famous song goes.
Heavy smoking, drinking or meditation when your feelings are intense don't help much, right?
You'll still wake up to face your same old problems.
Problems don't simply go away, mind you.
You need to face them and nip them in the bud .... ahem...butt.
Sorry, no religious or political innuendos here, I swear.
Thus it's good business to be practicing psychiatry, given the rising toll of "nutty" cases worldwide.
It's all due to the profound insanity of "modernisation" that psychiatrists are laughing all their way to the bank.
So go and enroll for a degree in psychiatry, if you on the cross road of a career move, man.
And mind you, my subject here dwells on my rants about CRACKING THE BUTT and is classified under the RESTRICTED ZONE lid designed for grown-ups only.
Kids, please stay away!
My story inspired by true events?
Tsssk, it's a secret, lah.
But I sincerely mean no malice to anyone in this globe.
Nor do I intend to cause hurt to NICE PEOPLE, dead or alive anywhere.
Again, if anyone is chagrined by my article after reading it, write to me and I will delete this entry immediately.
Now enter here with the absolute free mind of a matured adult.
Now the story unfolds:
The other morning, my Thai film maker friend and myself went to this musty old coffee shop in Bangkok where a bunch of retirees in their late 60s were busy discussing the topic of BUTT-CRACKING.
As they delved deeper into the subject, their rants and chants became more apparent.
It appeared that there was this devilishly handsome Thai hunk (a fashion-cum-ramp model) in his early 20s who was waylaid on his way back from work in his car, and was bundled off somewhere to a derelict hut and gang raped by 3 hurly burly guys with gusto.
Fortunately this pretty boy victim was left only bleeding and groaning with intense pain (of course, not pleasure) in his arse due to the gleeful non-stop vigorous thrusting.
And his precious "poop eye" had to undergo surgery with various stitches as saliva was used instead of lubricating jelly.
Unless any victim is willing, it is virtually impossible for anyone to reach for the "crack" that is privately lodged in between the butt checks, unlike the orifice of any vagina.
Anyway, it was a sheer case of male rape, and this victim was manhandled by 3 able bodied men.
It was a sad lesson that being cute sometimes had it price.
These old guys conjured a wise self-made adage, "You cannot be eating sardines everyday. So if you are tired with parking at the front, try the back."
My film maker friend was fascinated by the heated camaraderie from this argument and exclaimed excitedly "Ah, it's time to do a restricted art film on male rape!"
The perplexities of BUTT CRACKING?
Now, what actually is TAKING A CRACK AT THE BUTT?
BUTT CRACKING refers to the task of making a formidable entry into the anus.
The feeling can be likened to a CESSNA PLANE taking off into the clouds.
Or it could be like a giant BOEING screeching on landing at the runway.
Everything has an intercourse....hmmm ....cause.
Whatever it is, you are rocking the boat, man.
We all learn this from ANG LEE's famous movie BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN.
Since HEATH LEDGER is no longer around, go ask JAKE GYLLENHAAL.
Smart move.
Now, you may ask, what is the function of the anus?
Oops....
What goes in the mouth and if not assimilated as body energy would be converted to wastes for defecation.
Every human expels wastes through the anus - poop goes the weasel !!
That is common sense, man.
But these days, some people clamour for sheer "adventure", using the anus for other purposes such as a pleasurable "journey" of sorts, much against religious and gender doctrines.
We are always fighting for causes - what are right and what are so wrong.
I can only stipulate these findings, but not smart enough to qualify statements, lest I step on sensitive "toes".
I cannot fight religious creeds. This is indeed taboo subject.
If you feel that another tsunami-in-a-teapot is brewing here, then treat this tale as another "piece of shit".
Now not only "the Gods must be crazy".
We are the crazed ones, man.
Everyday and somewhere, someone will swear "Oh, Shit!"
"Shit, man!"
"Fucking shit!"
Now, how does this shit comes about and where does this shit comes from?
The anus, of course.
Still stressed?
Just don't be anal.
Go take a quick laugh with this episode of "THE LITTLE ADVENTURES OF PENIS AND VAGINA" here.
Come on, say "brou-ha-ha" !!??
Let's not have the pot call the kettle black.
Finally, yah,
I am such a wise-crack after all.
In this world of sad stress, it pays to be funny, lah.
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