Friday, December 24, 2010




Chill, folks.

Draw the curtains, stay indoors.

Didn’t you see the apparition lurking in the shadows outside?

She’s back for the haunting,

She’s not gonna leave you alone,

She’s out to drink your blood.

Now, when did this happen?

How did this story start?

Hush, baby. Here’s the SECRET:

Take this elder sister.

Her name is BOWIE, a ravishingly sexy Thai actress.

She loves her younger sister, very much and will go the long mile for her, any time.

Her younger sister is CEE, doe-eyed, sweet and so beguiling, and has this roguish boyfriend called AOF.

Through BOWIE’s connections, CEE clinches a lead role in a big budget feature film.

So you see, in the celluloid world, it is never what you know, but WHO you know to get you some place.

Hopefully not a quick ticket to HELL though.

But who knows?

Happiness is all around, until AOF decides to intervene with CEE’s career.


AOF is broke, needs money and wants a piece of the action.

AOF also has a girl friend on the side, called YING, who eventually throws herself from a tall residential building into the pool below, when AOF dumps her.

So YING’s spirit will come ahaunting

and then revenge is sweet, right?


Now, our REEL story begins …..

All THAI movies distributed overseas are cleverly highlighted as THAI box-office HIT number 1, irrespective of whether they are or not.

How are we to know, really?

Whether this bit holds water or not, we must realize that this is MY EX2: Haunted Lover is spawned from the box office success of its predecessor MY EX1.

The film director is PIYAPHAN CHUPET and the stars are BADIN DUKE, MARION AFFOLTER and PETE THONG-JEUR – as if you have heard of these names.

The Thai Film Board and Distributors never bothered to promote their artistes out of Thailand, much less care about the awful English sub-titling.

It has little to offer in terms of “new-ness” to the realm of Asian ghost movies, but it handled the conventions well, piling frightful scene upon frightful scene as a vengeful ghost seeks payback against those who wronged her.

For horror fans, you will be treated with loads of awesome blood and gruesome gore.

This film is layered with twisted revelations towards the end, where things are not as placid as they seem and that beauty can be a lethal weapon.

To savor THE HAUNTED LOVER, keep your concoctions simple.

Take it with a pinch of salt and a twist of lemon.

The film director could have focused on the character development of the leads instead of spawning screamy and squirmish escapades non-stop to create the shocks.

Interesting plot but tiresome execution mars the enjoyment of an otherwise absorbing film about vengeful hauntings.

Oh, lest I forget, this Reviewer is nursing a bad headache from the super loud eerie soundtrack that accompanies the gory scenes.

It’s a real turn-off to have the noise so earsplitting and explosively jarring.

We are not stone deaf.

The audio people at Kantana Post in Bangkok, kindly take note!

As the credits roll at the final frame, this Reviewer had to rush to grab some aspirins from the nearby pharmacy, to keep himself from reeling.

Such is the reward for watching MY EX: HAUNTED LOVER.

The hauntings are tagged with a price.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

“THE TOURIST” Movie Review. Beware! BEAUTY is KNOWN for its deadly FANGS.


Dare I say that “THE TOURIST” is akin to visual poetry?

Believably so.

It’s an engaging suspense thriller starring two of the world’s most fascinating celebrities, ANGELINA JOLIE and JOHNNY DEPP.

You have a pair of eye-scorching screen candies, a thought provoking plot, tough guys and a plucky dame, stylized art and heart-pumping action, all in one enthralling tale.

And they’re all assembled right before you, a feast for your eyes.

Do beware, though.

Nothing’s for free ….


An innocent man is relentlessly pursued by mobsters after a chance encounter with a drop dead gorgeous woman who has ill-intentions.

Johnny Depp is Frank Tupelo, an American tourist in Paris who finds himself seduced and embroiled in a romantic tryst with British sophisticate, Elise (Jolie).

It’s apparent that Elise is using Frank as a decoy, to put the Feds on his trail, so as to divert attention from her criminal lover Alexander Pearce .

Soon these two become involved in a unlikely romance that drags them through the breathtaking, postcard perfect backdrop of Paris and Venice, before entangling them in a deadly game of cat and mouse between Interpol detectives and trigger free mobsters.

THE TOURIST directed by Henckel von Donnersmarck, is adapted from a 2005 French film called Anthony Zimmer, and packs a solid supporting cast that includes Paul Bettany, Rufus Sewell, Timothy Dalton, and Steven Berkoff.

But the real winner of the entire ensemble is clearly the cinematographer John Seale, who beautifully shot Paris and Venice, and costume designer Colleen Atwood, who dressed Jolie and Depp with gorgeous outfits from head to toe.

The storyline is preposterous, offering more form than substance.

The script is banal, layered with cliches and does not justify the presence of two mega stars, who can be put to better use.

There are times when the movie tends to be over-dressed, as if oven-fresh with a series of haute couture parades.

Angelina Jolie struts like a mannequin, looking statuesque and stunning in every pose and angle. For sure, the film director von Donnersmarck is besotted by her swaying arse than her acting prowess.

And for Johnny Depp, he is being paid millions of dollars to look listless, like a dud who has little or no attachment with his leading lady. Sucks.

Whatever the case, big names like ANGELINA JOLIE and JOHNNY DEPP sell.

Well and good.

They are box-office magic.

They rake in the money.

Essentially, THE TOURIST is crafted for the beautiful people, the fashionistas, the die-hard fans of JOLIE and DEPP.

And for wielding this one star power alone, this feature movie can do nobody no wrong.

Go get charmed.



First, you try to pronounce the word “FOCKERS”.

It’s one tantalizing word.

It’s wreaking havoc upon my imagination.

I might get slapped with a R-rating here for even harboring such a vulgar thought.

But the fault ain’t mine as the film maker deliberately named it with an evil purpose.

The comely headline is “KIDS BRING EVERYONE CLOSER”, so won’t we be broaching on the subject of those FOCKER brats?

This season those FOCKER little terrors are going to bring the house down with their hilarious antics.

Christmas fun abounds, so move in with the flow and let your hair down.

The movie is spiced with gags to keep you in stitches, but they are for mature audiences. Teenagers might get tickled pink because the jokes poke fun at sex and bodily functions. Children below the age of 13 would probably be clueless.

MEET THE PARENTS: LITTLE FOCKERS is the third movie in this comedy series featuring the Fockers and of course, their extended family the Byrnes.

The first, followed by the second enjoyed smashing successes at the box office, now spawning a third.

IN A TIGHT NUTSHELL, Greg (Ben Stiller) is still the nerd who’s been trying very hard to please his intimidating father-in-law Jack (Robert De Niro) for a decade.

When Greg finally gets to earn the self-righteous Jack’s trust, problems creep in.

How else would you expect from a paper thin storyline?

Jack’s suspicion peaks when Greg takes on another job at a drug company to earn extra cash.

Well, Greg needs the “extras” to build a better dream home and sending the kids to the best school. All for the family.

The father-in-law is oblivious of Greg’s financial status. Or that he doesn’t want to know.

The film is directed by smart guy Paul Weitz.

The A-Lister cast ensemble comprises Ben Stiller, Robert De Niro, Barbara Streisand, Owen Wilson, Teri Polo, Blythe Danner, Jessica Alba, Harvey Keitel and Dustin Hoffman.

They swear that we are all going to have a whole bus load of fun with them!

The main problem is, with so many famous faces, every single one of these people will need a decent amount of screen time.

So what has changed since the last two smashing successes?

Greg is still a male nurse but he’s promoted now and presides over things is his department.

Roz Focker (Barbra Streisand) is as harebrained as usual, finally getting to do her own TV show where she unashamedly exposes Greg’s sexual problems over telecast.

Bernie Focker (Dustin Hoffman) is listlessly learning to dance the Flamingo in Spain.

To top all these, there’s Pam’s domineering dad, Jack (Robert DeNiro) who demands that Greg be a GOD FOCKER.

Last but not least there is sexy Andi Garcia (Jessica Alba) who is adamant to ensnare Greg as a rep for her erectile dysfunction medication called Sustengo that works wonders for heart patients to enjoy vigorous sex without risking attacks.


What follows are loads of misunderstandings, spying and merry-go-rounds by Jack.

It’s one riotous hippie-hip-hip racket here to rock you,

and to spread the Yuletide cheer all around.

An above board, predictable storyline

but the film director’s treatment and the glittering cast ensures a strong entertainment package.

You are treated to a select variety of delicacies pleasing to the most refined palate here, to beckon you on an enjoyable experience of 99 minutes.



Monday, December 20, 2010

GULLIVER’S TRAVELS Movie Review. SIZE matters only IF it comes STRAIGHT from your HEART.


First, let’s delve into the STORY’s build-up:

Some folks lie from time to time,

in order to accomplish what they want.

Just like our lead character Lemuel Gulliver.

He ekes out a living as a small-time potato at a New York newspaper for ten years and is heading nowhere,

yet that does not stop him from cherishing his big-time dreams.

He aspires one day, to be a “GIANT among men” figuratively.

He unashamedly holds a torch for the attractive editor of travel stories (Amanda Peet), but it’s a secret love.

He applies for a writing job to impress her.

He connives a scheme to get this writing assignment which is about exploring the deep, dark secrets of the Bermuda Triangle.

As fate would have it, not long after, he is magically sucked into his “own tall story” and is transported to an unimaginable land, Lilliput.

It’s his own doing.

A justifiable punishment?

Stay tuned.

Gulliver is washed ashore and finds himself strapped hands and legs with shackles as an alien prisoner of the tiny Lilliputians before they find common ground to be friends.

He starts fabricating absurd tales about anything and everything to gain favors from the “little people”, taking credit for the world’s greatest inventions, and positioning himself at the center of the world’s most historic events.

In this “dream-come-true” new world, Gulliver finds that he has suddenly developed a bigger-than-life figure – both in size and ego.

Gulliver’s image is boosted even further when he leads his new friends in a ferocious battle against their longtime enemies.

But this battle is foolishly fought and lost, and puts the Lilliputians in peril.

There’s a redemption factor though, at the end of the movie.

Gulliver learns a moral lesson in life that one can truly be a true giant among men when he eats humble-pie,

that action must speak louder than words,

and it is the “big-ness” within (the unselfish heart) that truly matters.

Swiss psychiatrist CARL GUSTAV JUNG acknowledges this situation best, in his wise words:

“Your vision will become clear only when you look deep into your HEART.

Who looks outside, dreams.

Who looks INSIDE, awakens.”

Now, here’s the CHARACTERS’ TEAR DOWN:

The press screening is not offered in glorious 3D,

though it would have helped to appraise some parts in the splendor of the 3D phenomenon.

But this Reviewer is pleasantly surprised at how much he enjoyed the show.

He had expected to critique a mindless slapstick yarn, but no – this movie has more style and substance that outweighs the spoofy notion.

GULLIVER’S TRAVELS is one wholesome, family entertainment ably directed by ROB LETTERMAN, aimed to instill the “feel-good” festive feeling prior to Christmas.

There are silly moments that are cheesy and predictable – but emotively the film can be visually appealing and occasionally heartfelt.

GULLIVER’S TRAVELS aspires to be a great comedy to usher in the YULETIDE season with JACK BLACK as a comedic genius creating a simple character oozing old fashioned charm and congeniality.

His portrayal of Gulliver is one of boundless enthusiasm that’s set to win our votes.

And yeah, he is affably cute.

To sum it all up, it is a JACK BLACK’s movie tailored for his legion of fans.

Children will find GULLIVER’S TRAVELS as one dazzling, remarkable cinematic fantasy.


And kindly jingle your bells. (guffaw).